Binge Eating

I eat great for breakfast.  Usually some steel cut oats, a dab of Smart Balance and some raw agave nectar then I follow that with a cup of fresh fruit or a banana.  If I get hungry before lunch I usually eat either a piece of fruit, a cup of yogurt or an energy bar.  In the late afternoon I either eat another energy bar or a piece of fruit before I go home and get on my bicycle or my indoor rowing machine.  Well the bike part isn’t a regular part of my day.  I’ve just been doing that for the past few days, but it feels great!  Then I have a sensible dinner.  That sounds like a weight loss line doesn’t it.  ”Drink a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch and then have a sensible diner.” That’s my routine though.  Dinner is usually either a small pasta dish with fresh veggies, fresh stir-fried veggies over brown rice or a salad.  I mean I eat great all day long and then, DUH, DUH, DUH!!!! The late night binge eating occurs.

I tell myself that I won’t do it.  I promise myself that I won’t do it.  I have a big sign on my refrigerator and one on the pantry door that say “don’t do it!” But something strange happens to me at night.  Especially if I have dozed off for a bit and then I wake up, TV is still on and I have a little hunger pang.  So I go to the kitchen.  I’ve just woken up, so I’m a little groggy and cannot clearly see the signs taped to the doors that say “don’t do it!” I usually don’t go to the refrigerator though, not since the ban on reduced fat crunchy peanut butter in my home.  No, it’s usually the pantry.  I think to myself, what’s one little Clif Mojo bar gonna hurt? And before I have even completed this thought in my head, that bar is gone! I barely even tasted it.  It’s really like watching my fat dachshunds go through a treat.  Did they even taste it? If something goes through the lips, barely scrapes the teeth and is gulped down the gullet in a nanosecond, is it even possible to have tasted it?

Well it must’ve been possible to have tasted it and it must’ve been GOOD because the next morning I’ll see 32 Clif Mojo bar wrappers in the trash. Maybe I should take those out of the kitchen trash and go ahead and put them into the big trash bin in the garage, shoved into an old milk carton and pushed to the bottom of the trash bin under a pizza box and an empy box of Tampax tampons….  I mean, there’s no reason to scare the hell out of anyone who might see the carnage and start wondering if they’re even safe around me.

It doesn’t have to be Clif Mojo bars though, even though they are like a little chunk of heaven, it could be a bag of Whole Foods Lightly Salted with Sea Salt Pita Chips.  Forget the garlic hummus too.  They are just fine by the fistfuls all by themselves. They say, (you know, The They Foundation) that binge eating is an eating disorder.  They say it is characterized by compulsive overeating.  The hell they say!  I say, well no shit!  How many PhDs and MDs did it take to figure that one out?  Now I’m really not trying to make fun of this disorder.  It is serious and I hope that anyone reading this who suffers from this disorder will seek medical attention.  I am just poking fun at myself for the most part.

I don’t think I have a real Binge Eating Disorder because a binge eating disorder typically lasts around two hours.  Now anyone who has ever seen me eat knows that I can do most of my damage in about 62 seconds flat.  Trust me, it ain’t pretty.  I unhinge my jaw and down it goes.  Hopefully if it came with a wrapper, I remembered to take it off before I complete the event.  The way I can put it away, if I ate for two solid hours or even 30 minutes straight, I’m pretty sure I’d rupture somethin’.  It’d end up bein’ somethin’ that the crime scene clean-up folks would have to attend to. Not-pretty-at-all.

So, I am making a true effort to stop the late night binges for awhile.  It really sucks to have done such a fabulous job of portion and calorie control all day long every day just to blow it every night after 10:00PM.  I’m doing a Livestrong Dare – To Stop Binge Eating.  So far it’s going GREAT!  I’ve successfully gone for ONE WHOLE NIGHT without binging.  Alright, alright, alright, I realize that may not be a show stopper or anything.  It’s a start, okay?  I’m shootin’ for a whole week without a binge episode with the Clif Mojo bars, Whole Foods 365 Lightly Salted Pita Chips, Tortilla Chips with a Hint of Lime, loaf of flax seed bread with Smart Balance slathered all over it, half a bag of blue corn tortilla chips, fresh, soft and fabulous whole wheat flour tortillas with a half-a-pound of Smart Balance dripping off of it…  Okay, I guess you probably get the point.  I don’t know if you noticed that everything I listed that are weaknesses of mine are all really healthy foods.  Unfortunately even healthy foods are supposed to be enjoyed in moderation.  OH FOR PETE’S SAKE, HOW I HATE THAT WORD, MODERATION.

Anyway, I’m shootin’ for a week and then we’ll see what happens.     peace