No Way I’m Climbing That!!!

So, the day finally arrived.  Saturday was the Pedal thru the Pines bike ride in Bastrop, TX.  I knew this was going to be a challenging ride.  I knew it was going to be hilly.  I’ve actually ridden through Bastrop and Buescher State Parks before.  Of course that was on my Harley.  Two wheels yet a slightly different experience.  And then there was the part about reading that this is the most challenging part of the MS150 bike ride in Texas. But I’ve been training.  I’ve been riding hills and doing some pretty intense leg workouts.  In fact one day last week I had done some pretty intense squats that left me walking a little funny for a couple of days.  And “no”, you shouldn’t work your legs out that hard a few days before a big ride, but I’m Biggie! I’m from Texas and I can do anything. I originally intended to make this a 65 mile ride.  That was before I had a bad case of bronchitis that lasted for a couple of months.  So I thought I would do the 27 mile ride.  hehehe

I knew that there would be a pretty good hill right off the start.  Here we go, my friend Jess and I.  There was a HUGE group.  About 1,500 people were doing this ride.  We were excited.  I might have been a little nervous about some of the hills, but I was ready!  We got started.  It was a little chilly.  I wasn’t wearing tights, but I did have on arm warmers and a vest over my jersey.  And I had a buff on under my helmet, keeping my head warm.  Writing this, about being chilly, at this point seems pretty funny…. We’re off!  A huge group of people all packed together.  A huge, tight peloton.  We start to spread out a little on the road and then, with the help of some fabulous Bastrop Police Officers, we’re onto the highway heading for the state park.  The highway that we have just turned onto, that is all blocked off for us, and again, wonderful help and guidance from the police, is a hill.  HILL MY ASS.  IT’S A FREAKIN’ MOUNTAIN.  LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS IN EURPOE.  IN THE ALPS!!!  Holy cow, we’re only a little over a mile into the ride and we’re on this death mountain and people are already pulling over to the side, getting off of their bikes and walking up. WE’RE STILL WITHIN THE FIRST 2 MILES OF THE RIDE PEOPLE!

Okay, I’m good.  I can do this.  It’s a long and pretty steep hill, but I am DOING IT! I see it start to flatten out just a little bit up ahead.  I forget about the people walking up around me, I focus on the flattened out area up ahead and I just keep saying to myself over and over again, “just keep pedaling.” And I do it.  I make it to the top.  I am breathing so hard and I, this is completely true, I realize I have drool on my chin, but I don’t care.  I’m also breathing so loudly that a woman, with a totally frightened look on her face looks over her shoulder at me.  She looks relieved that it wasn’t a chupacabra coming after her to suck out all of her blood.  No, it’s just me BIGGIE, AND I FREAKING DID IT! I climbed that monster MOUNTAIN.  I passed people who were still riding and I passed people who had stopped and walked.  I want to be perfectly clear here, there is no shame in walking. No hill or mountain is worth hurting yourself over.  I did it.  I made that monster and I felt great!  I felt like Rocky Balboa at the Philly Library.  I did it.

The police directed us off of this main road and into the Bastrop State Park.  I was so happy.  It was a beautiful day. Blue skies, it was warming up and Bastrop is beautiful.  I made that hill and we were off and riding.  What a great day.  I’m going to do these 27 miles, it’s going to be a great ride and I’m not going to be completely done after this ride.  I’ll be able to work in my garden, maybe catch a movie, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  HOLY SHIT!  Look at that freaking hill. It’s okay.  It’s a short hill, I’ll hammer leading up to it and then I’ll just push it out.  Just keep pedaling. I’ll be fine.  And then things start going a little wrong.  Hahahahaha! I see this skinny little bitch who flew past me earlier trying to get up that hill and she is pushing and pushing and trying to keep pedaling and she slowly but surely comes to a complete stop and then just falls over.  HAHAHAHAHA.  wtf?  I hit the base of this little hill.  All of the speed that I have built up immediately dies when I hit the hill.  It’s not just the skinny little bitch who has fallen.  I see several people falling over.  I see bunches of people who have gotten off of their bikes and are resting, walking, stripping off as much extra clothing as they can, wasn’t it chilly when we started this…  I am not going to fall.  I jump off of my bike while I am still moving.  I do not want to fall.  I rip off my arm warmers.  I chug down some Clif Quench and then start in on my water.  I start looking around for my friend Jess. I see her a little bit back and she’s off her bike, chugging liquids and stripping off clothing.  We’ll walk up this hill and then we’ll be good.  There couldn’t possibly be another one of these….

I don’t know if you are familiar with cycling shoes.  There is a cleat on the very stiff sole close to the front of the shoe.  Under the ball of your foot.  This cleat cause your toes to be up off of the ground and the soles really are quite stiff.  This is why when you see cyclists walking in their road shoes that they look so ridiculous trying to walk.  Walking up a steep incline in these shoes, and you’re also pushing your bike, causes a fair amount of stress on your calf muscles.  And a little more on this hill.  A hill with a grade or incline of 6% will leave your thighs burning.  I heard people saying and I read that this was a 15% incline.

See how many people are off of their bikes?  Craziness!  Madness!  It is the hill of death.

So after the hill of death, we keep on riding.  The scenery is gorgeous, there is great camraderie, some fun and fast downhills, some more evil uphills, but no more hills of death. After about mile 5, Jess looks at me and says “16 miles” and I smile and reply “hell yeah.” So our 27 miler turned into only 16 miles, but it was the toughest 16 miles of my life.  And I ain’t young.  We rode on through some more beautiful views.  Came to a great rest stop.  Bicycle ride rest stops are great.  Friendly volunteers offering you as much food and drink as you can handle.  Obviously, Biggie is a fan of this. I start stuffing pb&j sandwiches into my mouth as fast as I can. I also remember that I have a POP TART in my jersey.  I can’t remember if I even took the wrapper off of that bad boy and down it went.  Gatorade?  Hell yes.  I don’t even need a cup.  I can just lean under the spigot and gulp that stuff down.  Pickle Juice? Bring it!  Oh my, the rest stop was great.  Now we have about 6 miles left.  There were some vicious hills, but nothing as steep as the hill of death, these hills weren’t as steep, just loooong.  We did it though.  We made it back to the Bastrop High School, where the ride began and we were happy.     peace